haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you had me at cake vodka
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
