It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
