This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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