Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
