i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize