No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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