i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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