just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
