I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
