fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
