how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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