i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
