Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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