I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
