I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
