Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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