yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
