I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
