So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
