It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
