YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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