I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
