How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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