she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
