I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I want her autograph on my taint
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
