Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
