I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
