Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
