In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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