Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
