My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
barbara walters just said penis...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
