Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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