how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
