It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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