dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
