I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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