First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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