Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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