No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize