I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
