Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
