At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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