ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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