Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What a dumb baby whore.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
