you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize