At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
