I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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