I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
