all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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