haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
