I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
