Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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