last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
