another moral hangover. fuck.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
