I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
