Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Where is the hickey?
one two three fourrrrnication!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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