Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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