I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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