I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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