love makes seman taste better
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So vagazzling was a success
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
