Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let's get the cat blown out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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