He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
