Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she peed on how many people?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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