The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize