My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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