I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
